Writing Sex Scenes in Fiction
Let’s talk about sex!
Writing sex scenes in fiction can be daunting – but they should be treated just the same as any other scene, and deserve the same level of careful attention.
Are sex scenes necessary in your novel?
Clearly, not all novels contain sex scenes. Some genres expect it more than others. If you choose to include sex scenes, ask yourself why.
Do they forward the plot?
Every scene within your book needs to further the plot. And that includes sex and intimate scenes. Are they supporting a character’s emotional journey (either positively or negatively)?
For some genres, sex is more important. In character-driven genres (such as romance), your characters will have some kind of inner conflict that they need to overcome during the course of the book.
How do your sex scenes impact these inner conflicts? Do they help? Do they hinder? Are they largely irrelevant?
Writing sex scenes in fiction is not compulsory, not even in romance novels.
Would the story be just as good without the sex?
If the answer to this question is yes, then it may be that the sex scenes should either be left out, or rewritten to be more integral to the overall plot.
Are sex scenes required in your genre? Or might they be a surprise to the reader?
The readers of some genres expect sex scenes.
Erotica, for example, cannot be erotica without sex scenes. Within the romance genre, there are various heat levels, ranging from sweet romance through sensual to steamy and erotic.
You have complete freedom to pick whichever heat level you feel suits your writing, and suits your comfort levels.
The readers of other genres are less likely to expect sex scenes – so it’s really important to consider point one above (are sex scenes necessary in your novel?).
If you do decide to include intimacy within your non-romance novel, you should ideally flag this somewhere (for example, on the jacket copy or cover artwork, or include a content warning) so that your readers are not blindsided by something unexpected.
If you are writing romance, it’s also a good idea to indicate your heat level so the reader knows what to expect. A cover artist can help you tailor your artwork to suit your novel’s heat level.
Does the sex scene connect?
Does the sex scene flow naturally from what comes before, and blend into what comes after?
Sex scenes rarely work in an emotional vacuum. It may be that you need to build up to it.
Sometimes, having sex straight away works for the characters and the pace of your book. Sometimes, the sex feels like it’s happening in a vacuum.
Think about whether your characters would need to grow close before they have sex. Do you need to build tension in the preceding chapters?
Is the progression of the scene itself unrealistic? How many of us actually feel the need to physically throw ourselves at our lovers?
Does it blend with the scenes before and after? If not, why not? How do the characters change afterwards? Do they change at all?
Are the sex scenes in keeping with your characters’ personalities?
Would your character speak during sex? What words would they use?
Would your character initiate sex? Would they be passive or submissive? Would they take control?
How a character has sex is part of who they are, as much as the clothes they choose to wear and how they clean their teeth.
Where is the scene happening? How might this affect the way your characters feel? Will it make the characters nervous? Or uncomfortable? Or safe?
Everyone is different. Use your sex scenes to support this.
Is it physically possible? Is it realistic?
Have you described a scene that you’ve never encountered personally?
Is it physically possible?
One editor recently explained how they use Barbie dolls to check whether positions are available to able-bodied people (although I’m not sure Barbie dolls are terribly accurate in this respect).
Has your character recently had an injury that would prevent them (for example) getting down on the floor? Such as a broken leg?
Sometimes, sex scenes don’t need to be realistic (for example, alien races copulating), but sometimes they do.
Have you depicted two virgins having sex for the first time, orgasming simultaneously? Are you writing fantasy?
Do your characters have the right number of limbs?
This might sound obvious, but it’s not possible to have a hand on someone’s breast, a hand on someone’s bottom, AND simultaneously be holding their hands above their head.
How many sex scenes? And how much detail?
Don’t overdo it.
A really well-written sex scene can elevate a book, but having too much incidental sex – unless necessary for the character arcs – can do the opposite.
In terms of how much detail to include, this comes back to the heat levels mentioned above.
Most readers know how sex works. There is no need to over-describe the physical mechanics.
The level of detail required also varies by genre. Writing a detailed sex scene in a science-fiction novel might be unexpected.
Are you just self-indulging? Writing sex scenes in fiction can be fun, but they need to be in the right place at the right time.
Don’t include enough detail, however, and your readers will be left frustrated and wanting more.
What words should you use to describe body parts and intimate acts?
The words we use to describe our sex organs vary hugely according to where we are in the world, our social backgrounds, our attitudes towards sex.
Have a look at the results of author KJ Scott’s survey.
Respondents on various social media sites (and readers of erotic fiction) were asked to identify which words they found acceptable, and which words they found sexy.
This revealed “which erotic terms are widely liked, disliked, or divisive.”
Smut thesaurus – if you’re stuck for words, and know you’ve used the same word too many times, have a look at the smut thesaurus. It does exactly what it says it does (provides alternative words for genitalia, sex acts, arousal, climax and suggests some interesting dialogue tags!).
Words and Phrases to use in your sex scenes – you might also like to have a look at this list for inspiration.
Writing Sex Scenes in Fiction – Read and Practise!
If you are finding it difficult to write a sex scene, your first stop would be to read, read, read as many sex scenes as you can get your hands on.
Ideally, these should be sex scenes from books in your chosen genre.
If you are struggling to find books that match your specific intentions, have a look at the Smart Bitches Book Finder. This selector allows you to search for your specific genre and then by trope.
Once you’ve done your reading, the next step is to write some sex scenes from different POVs, in different scenarios, with different heat levels.
Because – as we all know – practice makes perfect.
Looking for a fiction editor? I’m a specialist romance fiction editor, offering non-judgemental, supportive editing in a safe space and I’d be delighted to help. Please do get in touch.
