Many authors are advised to “observe the conversations” around them, and properly analyse how we communicate. This is partly excellent advice, and partly terrible! Below I will explain what I mean, and provide suggestions for writing realistic dialogue in your novel.

Observe Real Conversations

One of the best ways to learn how people talk is to really listen.

Next time you’re on a bus, sitting in a café, or waiting in a queue, tune in to the conversations around you. Notice the rhythm of speech, the way people overlap, interrupt, trail off, and jump between topics. Watch their gestures too – how one person rarely talks for long without doing something: stirring their coffee, checking their phone, rubbing their hands together, or glancing at the clock.

These small, physical beats (known as action beats) are pure gold for a novelist. They bring dialogue to life because they remind the reader that your characters are human beings, not disembodied voices floating in the void. When someone speaks, they’re almost always doing something else too.

You might hear something like this:

“I told him I’d— No, hang on, let me just … yeah, I said I’d sort it tomorrow, but he, well, he’s not exactly patient, is he?”

That sounds real because it is real. There’s interruption, hesitation, and movement. But how well would that translate onto the page? Is it engaging? Is it dull? Is it too realistic?

Why Real Dialogue Doesn’t Work on the Page

Here’s the thing: real conversation is actually quite dull to read.

When we talk in real life, we fill our speech with ums, ahs, “you know”s, and “like”s. We repeat ourselves, lose our train of thought, talk over each other, and meander off-topic. That’s fine in real life – it’s how we communicate – but on the page it’s painful.

Try transcribing an actual conversation and you’ll see what I mean. It’s messy, repetitive and full of filler. Readers don’t want to slog through that. They want the essence of natural speech, not a literal representation of it.

So when you write dialogue, you need to loosely base it on real conversations, but be careful to leave out the bits that are neither furthering the plot nor improving characterisation.

The Art of Polished Realism

The goal is to create dialogue that feels real but reads beautifully. This is a true art form, and it’s not easy. Here are some suggestions to help you pull this off:

1. Cut the filler

You can skip the “hello”, “how are you?”, “good thanks, and you?” unless those pleasantries reveal something about the relationship between characters. Otherwise, jump straight into the meat of the exchange. Readers will thank you.

2. Use interruptions and pauses

Real people rarely let others finish entire paragraphs before responding. Add interruptions, hesitations, and unfinished thoughts to give a natural rhythm. Just don’t overdo it – too many dashes and ellipses can be distracting.

“I didn’t mean— well, you know what I meant.”

“No, actually, I don’t.”

That kind of back-and-forth creates energy.

3. Add action beats

Break up dialogue with action beats. These serve multiple purposes, and are essential for good dialogue. They can:
– indicate who is speaking (because whoever did the action said the words)
– provide information about the surroundings (he brushed snowflakes from his shoulders)
– add depth to characters (she stopped to catch her breath. Damn, she was unfit.)

“I told you already,” she said, twisting the ring on her finger.

Those small gestures are powerful because they show emotion without spelling it out.

4. Keep each voice distinct

Every character should sound like a unique person. Think about background, education, region, age and temperament. One character might be blunt and clipped; another might ramble or use metaphors. You don’t need to rely on heavy dialect or slang (see here for why not) – subtle differences in rhythm and vocabulary often do the job far better.

Balancing Realism and Readability

The sweet spot lies somewhere between authenticity and clarity. Your dialogue should sound plausible – as though real people might say it – but still be interesting and easy to follow.

When writing dialogue, ask yourself:

• Does this line reveal character or move the story forward?
• Is there a simpler or sharper way to say this?
• Could this be shown through action instead of speech?

Final Thoughts on Realistic Dialogue

Realistic dialogue is less about mimicking reality and more about capturing its rhythm and truth. It’s the illusion of authenticity that counts. By observing how people speak – their interruptions, their gestures, their half-finished thoughts – and then editing ruthlessly for clarity and flow, you’ll craft engaging dialogue that feels natural.

You might also be interested in looking at my other blog posts that talk about dialogue.

If you would like support with editing your novel, please do get in touch.

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