4 Tools to Retrofit Omniscient Narration

If you’ve written a novel in third person, with multiple points of view that switch too frequently, your editor may have told you that you have fallen into the trap of “head-hopping“.

What can you do about this? Do you need to rewrite your whole manuscript, or can you retrofit omniscient narration? What is omniscient narration? How can it help fix head-hopping? And why is head-hopping a problem?

Head-hopping is where you swap point of view characters in the middle of a chapter, paragraph or even sentence. It’s problematic because your readers won’t know which character they need to engage with and root for – however, you really are not alone, and this is something I see a lot of, particularly with newer authors.

When an author sits down to write a novel, ideally they need to cement two things in their minds before they begin: what tense they are writing in, and what point of view they are using (by which I mean, whose perspective is the story being told from?). These two considerations are quite difficult to change once the novel is finished.

Ideally, if you realise you have an issue with point of view, you should rewrite the entire manuscript. This is the cleanest way to address the problem. However, if you don’t have the time or the energy for a complete rewrite, with some skill and attention you can reshape the head-hopping into something more deliberate: omniscient narration.

Below, I’ve outlined four tools that you can use to retrofit omniscient narration.

Firstly, what is an omniscient narrator?

The most important thing to remember about an omniscient narrator is that they have their own voice, personality and perspective – and they know all things about all events, places and characters. Effectively, they are a character (just one who doesn’t necessarily appear in the story).

So if you have chosen to write an omniscient narration, ask yourself:
– Who is the omniscient narrator here?
– What do they look like?
– What do they sound like?
– What is their interest in this story?
– Why are they telling it to us?

This will help to establish the narrator’s personality.

Once you’ve established the narrator’s personality, it should be possible to frame the story from
their point of view. They need to be re-telling the story, but also interpreting it, and guiding your
readers from one scene to another.

1. Scene-shifting / simultaneous action

One issue with head-hopping is that it can feel like a reader is being pulled from one place to another, without anything to guide them or to connect the two. There’s no framework to support the narrative. This is where omniscient narration excels.

Omniscient framing often moves us from one scene to another using transitions that widen the lens, that pull us right back from the action and give us an overview (using words like “meanwhile…”, “elsewhere…”, “unbeknownst to…”)

Some examples:
– “Elsewhere, far beyond the mountains, a storm was gathering that none of them could yet see.”
– “At that very moment, across the ocean, she made a decision that would change his fate.”
– “While he celebrated his victory, his enemies quietly regrouped in the shadows.”

With all these examples, the narrator is giving the reader a broader view than they would get with strict third person narration.

When to use this tool to retrofit omniscient narration

Tool one (scene-shifting) works well at the start of a scene or chapter.

2. Dramatic irony (reader knows more than characters)

This is another way to reinforce that there is an all-knowing entity telling the story. Try using phrases like:
“Unbeknownst to her, the letter had…”
“He believed he was alone, but someone had been watching from the doorway all along…”
“They thought the danger had passed; in truth, it had only just begun.”

This gives readers a sense that the story is being told by an observer – an observer who knows more than the characters do. This is true omniscience!

When to use this tool to retrofit omniscient narration

Tool two (dramatic irony) can be added throughout your manuscript.

3. Multiple character perspectives

Switching between characters needs to be done carefully – again, you need to imagine the narrator is telling you about the people in a room. They would have their own interpretation of each character’s actions. For example:
“John felt certain he had done the right thing, but Maria, watching from across the room, saw only betrayal.”
“To the crowd, it was a triumph; to the king, it was the beginning of the end.”
“She heard kindness in his voice, though he was already planning his departure.”

If you’ve written your novel in third person limited, and have been told that you’ve done a lot of head-hopping then it’s likely that you will already have some character shifts like this in your novel. The difference is that now you have framed the narrative from an omniscient point of view (with scene shifting and dramatic irony).

When to use this tool to retrofit omniscient narration

Tool three (multiple character perspectives) can be added throughout your manuscript.

4. Time shifts / foreshadowing

I’ve already mentioned narrative distance (see tool 1, scene shifting, above). This playing with narrative distance gives your readers a sense of a cohesive overview. You can pull back even further, and imagine that your narrator is telling the story from a point in the future, where they can see the implications of the actions unfolding on the page way before the characters in the story are aware of them.
For example:
“What none of them realized was that this small moment would ripple through generations.”
“History would later remember this day as the turning point.”
“In years to come, they would all look back on this night with regret.”

Try using phrases like:
“He would not understand the significance of this meeting until much later.”
“This was the last time they would ever speak.”
“Soon, everything they knew would be gone.”

When to use this tool to retrofit omniscient narration?

Tool four (time shifts / foreshadowing) works well at the end of a chapter or scene.

In Conclusion …

If you can see there’s an issue with slipping in and out of different characters’ points of view, and if the feedback you are getting from beta readers or an editor is that your manuscript lacks cohesion, think about retrofitting omniscient narration.

It’s not the cleanest solution, but it can work when the tools above are applied with care.

If you are still uncertain about the point of view in your novel, and don’t know if it’s really working, please do get in touch. I’d be delighted to help.